yourphysicsiskarkatrocious:

aplpaca:

kinda funny when english teachers say stuff like “i can tell if you didnt read the book” or “i can tell when people bs their paper”

no you cant.  you can tell when people are bad at bs-ing their paper.  i didnt even read the sparknotes and i barely skimmed the wikipedia and you gave me an A.  you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies

“YOU KNEEL BEFORE MY THRONE UNAWARE THAT IT WAS BORN OF LIES” IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SENTENCES I’VE EVER READ AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT’S ON A POST ABOUT BULLSHITTING ON ASSIGNMENTS.

(via fangirlsjustwannahavefun)

lets go out and have some classic teenage fun… chew some glass….. eat dirt… who knows. maybe even kiss a lizard?

(via confirmance)

jumpingjacktrash:

copperbadge:

akielosrises:

crazymuff1n:

writing-prompt-s:

At long last, The Chosen One has been discovered. Working as a cashier. With no interest in doing anything even slightly more difficult.

yeah because there is nothing more difficult than retail

tbh anyone who works/has worked retail would see the chance to go around saving the world in ways that could potentially kill them as a welcome vacation

“Does the position of Chosen One offer health benefits of any kind?” 

“Well, our ragtag gang of world-saving underdogs has a doctor on-team.”

“Do I have to pay her out of pocket, is what I’m asking.”

“Gosh no! She’s an idealist, you don’t pay her at all!”

“Oh! That’s nice. But then I guess there’s no paycheck.”

“I mean, the secret cabal that dispenses our orders does make sure we have enough money to feed ourselves and keep a roof over our secret lair and such.”

“Hourly?”

“Hourly what?”

“Like have you guys ever had to punch a time clock?”

“We once had to dismantle a sinister time-freezing device in the shape of a clock….otherwise no.”

“Sold. Off we go.” 

“do i have to be nice to people who are yelling at me?”

“we’re the good guys, you can’t kill random civilians just because they’re mean!”

“kill?? no, i mean, can i tell them off.”

“well, sure, of course.”

*rips name tag off shirt and tosses it over shoulder* “i’m your huckleberry.”

(via iamastegosourus)

wocs:

when yall say you love girls, you better be including yourself too!

(via pulchrabelle)

kramergate:

skarchomp:

skarchomp:

the Komodo Dragon is the biggest, strongest, most dangerous apex predator that is physically incapable of looking at all threatening

i could conceivably be torn to pieces and eaten alive by these things and my last words would be “lmao” 

sorry to mildly derail tim but like as a kid all the way through my teenage years i watched tons of animal planet and became stuck on the very idea of komodo dragons to the point where if i was watching any kind of nature documentary, any at all, i could not absorb information because i would simply be thinking “if a komodo dragon wanted to kill me theres nothing i could do about it. feasibly, for some freak reason, a komodo dragon could walk into my house, my abode, my terrain, and kill me, and me, a human with opposable thumbs and the ability to use tools and fire, i could do nothing about it. i could do nothing about it”

(via pulchrabelle)

smollestfox:

ah yes they call me “No Queue” Jones because I post everything I reblog at once with no breaks in between and then vanish into the night for extended periods of inactivity

(via whispering-pines)